The Will To Be Disliked
The human spirit is inherently wired to seek external validation. Since the dawn of civilization, our survival has depended on social acceptance. In today’s world, this has manifested in our curation of digital personas to reflect what we believe others desire, trading real-world experiences for participation in the digital one.
This need for validation is so deeply rooted in our evolutionary past. Imagine for a moment life in a paleolithic tribe, where acceptance wasn’t just a matter of pride but rather survival. One misstep, like failing to show respect to the ranking authority, could’ve meant exile, leaving an individual vulnerable in a world where humans were far from the dominant species.
While the physical consequences of social exclusion have softened in modern society, the psychological weight remains. Social media has transformed validation seeking into a relentless, always-on cycle, where we’re constantly exposed to curated glimpses of others’ lives. In turn, we feel the pressure to fabricate our own, aligning ourselves with trends to signal belonging. The result is a paradox of seeking connection, where we often find ourselves trapped in a performance, ever more disconnected from our authentic selves.
In an effort to break free from this paradox, I’ve come to the realization that the will to be disliked is the road to ones freedom. The moment we stop chasing digital approval, we can reclaim a sense of self. Saying what others won’t, resisting the pull of the digisphere, and stepping away from the algorithmic pressures of modern norms. It’s in these defiant acts that one can find the start of modern liberation.
Most recently I’ve taken personal steps to return to physical community. Through in-person conversations, I’ve met others who feel similarly exhausted. The fatigue of living in an always-on world where the next post, the next trend, and the next notification demand ones attention. What was even more surprising was that these conversations were not amongst friends, or more simply my “tribe”. Rather these moments of vulnerability and exhaustion were shared by strangers. Over dinners arranged through a meetup app called Timeleft, I had the opportunity to connect with people searching for the human in humanity.
From my opinion, having lived through the rise of the digital revolution, I’ve seen how the promises of connection have largely fallen short. The digital world demands immediacy and attention, but leaves little room for introspection. It overwhelms us with information, while starving us of meaningful connection. And in the end, the anxiety it creates seems to be by design.
Just like our hominid ancestors, we are wired for belonging. But without a real tribe that is built on presence, considerate conversation, and shared experience we risk a different kind of starvation. One not of resources, but of connection itself.
